Personal: Remember 22
January 16, 2016
I accept my past without regret,
handle my present with confidence and face my future without fear because the love and sacrifice that I got give me the courage to do so
For those who followed my instagram
might know that I did some cleaning like few days ago and found my college ID
card. From that day onward I got the urge to write it on this blog as a self
reminder as at the beginning of this 2016 my church wants all of us to look
back and be grateful of what we have now. It sounds cliché or simple, but when
I think about it, it really does like a flash of wind. It made me remember back
in 2014 when I was 22 and remind me of Taylor Swift’s 22. There’s part of it
that I’m quite agree with
We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time
It's miserable and magical.
Oh, yeah
Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines
~
Taylor Swift - 22
I still recall it clearly, it was at
the beginning of March. The night where I just finished my pattern drafting
class and said goodbye to my classmate. Everything’s seems normal. I just need
to wait for my intern call from one of Indonesia’s famous designer HR, finished
my final collection , portfolio class and report. Then suddenly on midnight dad
got a heart attack and we need to rush him to the hospital as soon as possible.
It was too sudden, especially for me
since I’m the only kid and mom was in shocked that she was unavailable at
that time. Turns out I’m the one who decided whether or not dad should undergo
the surgery. From that day onward I took charge everything regarding dad’s
health. Like medicine, doctor consultation and payment.
Yep. Payment / finance. It's such a
headache as we need like big amount of money and truth to be told we’re just
some average family with no fix income. Long story short, we got help
mainly from dad’s family so it’s a rest assure for his health.
Worse part was I almost finish my
college and my major need effin lots of money. From start to finish. I blamed
myself much for choosing this fashion design major and keep saying to myself
eventhough dad allowed me to study what I like I should’ve consider our family
finance rather than my own passion but then again, I choose this major because
I want it as my main career, it’s the thing I’m dying to do and if I choose
another major I don’t have the confidence to finish it or tackle any problem
from it.
While contemplating whether I should
stop while I’m one step closer to graduation, I considered myself quite lucky
that I got help and support from my friends and college. Its so unexpected
especially for them who are not so close to me willing to help and do all those
hard work. Keep reminding me the reason I enter this major and kinda told me to
be selfish as I’m one step closer to the finish line, comforted and made me
laugh (but didn’t help my assignment at all, LOL). Even my intern boss let me
do my stuff remotely aka, from the hospital.
I can write all of this easily now,
but at that time it really the most miserable time for me. Final collection
(fix some of it, details, shoes, etc . . .), intern, re-do all my portfolio,
reports, freelance and take care of my family. It doesn’t mean that my mom
didn’t take part, its just dad assigned me since I’m calmer while in fact no.
It was in March and my graduation was in mid May. In this less than 2 months I got hell lots of work to do. There’s part of me told me
to give up but there’s part of me told me not to. At that time its between do
it or not and I don’t care anymore. I end up decided to finish what I started
on time.
Its 2016 and soon it’ll be 2 year
after all those time. When I look back all of it was like a flash of wind. It
changed me into a better person. My mentor once said to us to do what we
passionate for because no matter how hard it gonna be we definitely gonna
survive as it’s the thing we’re dying to do passionately. I couldn’t agree more
with it.
Things got a little better now. Dad
have his regular check-up and hopefully this upcoming Feb/March the doctor
allows him to undergo another catheter placement. Eventhough I work in
completely different industry now but I grow, I have good team, I learn new
things and I got time to start my own things. I start slower than the other but
I think in life sometimes we need a little detour to let us see from another
angle / point of view.
I used to cursed at it a lot and now
I’m kinda grateful all of it happened as I know who’s with / stand by me when
I’m at the lowest, it helps me to realize, appreciate and be grateful of
anything good that happen in life, even the smallest one. More importantly, it
makes me stronger. So yeah, 22 quite miserable and magical in its own way!
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