Personal: Remember 22

January 16, 2016

I accept my past without regret, handle my present with confidence and face my future without fear because the love and sacrifice that I got give me the courage to do so

For those who followed my instagram might know that I did some cleaning like few days ago and found my college ID card. From that day onward I got the urge to write it on this blog as a self reminder as at the beginning of this 2016 my church wants all of us to look back and be grateful of what we have now. It sounds cliché or simple, but when I think about it, it really does like a flash of wind. It made me remember back in 2014 when I was 22 and remind me of Taylor Swift’s 22. There’s part of it that I’m quite agree with

We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time
It's miserable and magical.
Oh, yeah
Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines

~ Taylor Swift - 22

I still recall it clearly, it was at the beginning of March. The night where I just finished my pattern drafting class and said goodbye to my classmate. Everything’s seems normal. I just need to wait for my intern call from one of Indonesia’s famous designer HR, finished my final collection , portfolio class and report. Then suddenly on midnight dad got a heart attack and we need to rush him to the hospital as soon as possible.

It was too sudden, especially for me since I’m the only kid and mom was in shocked that she was unavailable at that time. Turns out I’m the one who decided whether or not dad should undergo the surgery. From that day onward I took charge everything regarding dad’s health. Like medicine, doctor consultation and payment.

Yep. Payment / finance. It's such a headache as we need like big amount of money and truth to be told we’re just some average family with no fix income. Long story short, we got help mainly from dad’s family so it’s a rest assure for his health.

Worse part was I almost finish my college and my major need effin lots of money. From start to finish. I blamed myself much for choosing this fashion design major and keep saying to myself eventhough dad allowed me to study what I like I should’ve consider our family finance rather than my own passion but then again, I choose this major because I want it as my main career, it’s the thing I’m dying to do and if I choose another major I don’t have the confidence to finish it or tackle any problem from it.

While contemplating whether I should stop while I’m one step closer to graduation, I considered myself quite lucky that I got help and support from my friends and college. Its so unexpected especially for them who are not so close to me willing to help and do all those hard work. Keep reminding me the reason I enter this major and kinda told me to be selfish as I’m one step closer to the finish line, comforted and made me laugh (but didn’t help my assignment at all, LOL). Even my intern boss let me do my stuff remotely aka, from the hospital.

I can write all of this easily now, but at that time it really the most miserable time for me. Final collection (fix some of it, details, shoes, etc . . .), intern, re-do all my portfolio, reports, freelance and take care of my family. It doesn’t mean that my mom didn’t take part, its just dad assigned me since I’m calmer while in fact no.

It was in March and my graduation was in mid May. In this less than 2 months I got hell lots of work to do. There’s part of me told me to give up but there’s part of me told me not to. At that time its between do it or not and I don’t care anymore. I end up decided to finish what I started on time.

Its 2016 and soon it’ll be 2 year after all those time. When I look back all of it was like a flash of wind. It changed me into a better person. My mentor once said to us to do what we passionate for because no matter how hard it gonna be we definitely gonna survive as it’s the thing we’re dying to do passionately. I couldn’t agree more with it.

Things got a little better now. Dad have his regular check-up and hopefully this upcoming Feb/March the doctor allows him to undergo another catheter placement. Eventhough I work in completely different industry now but I grow, I have good team, I learn new things and I got time to start my own things. I start slower than the other but I think in life sometimes we need a little detour to let us see from another angle / point of view.

I used to cursed at it a lot and now I’m kinda grateful all of it happened as I know who’s with / stand by me when I’m at the lowest, it helps me to realize, appreciate and be grateful of anything good that happen in life, even the smallest one. More importantly, it makes me stronger. So yeah, 22 quite miserable and magical in its own way!

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